I have been away............farming sucks sometimes

It has been a bit since I have written, I just couldn't manage the emotional strength.  Things change so quickly on a farm.  Life is so unpredictable.
 My sweet Lucy was born here on our farm and it was love at first sight for me.  She was the first female calf born here, and I knew she would always be here with us.  I bottle fed her and worked with her daily so that she would be easy to manage.  I spent every day with her.  I learned that cows certainly have personalities and a sense when it comes to their owners.  Lucy was spunky and loved attention.  She would get into mischief and then frolic around acting like a three old that found the candy stash.  She loved to open the pasture gate and come up to the house, she would look in the windows for us and moo like crazy when she found us.  I would go out and scold her only to have her come over and lay her head on me... how could I be angry?  She always knew when I was outside and would come running to see me, we had a milkmaid/cow bond.  I loved to scratch her ears and chin she would roll her eyes back in sheer pleasure.  As far as cows go she led a perfect life.
Lucy had a beautiful bull calf recently, and there were complications.  Lucy died.  I have a huge hole in  my heart and have cried everyday since that dreadful day. She had been a daily part of my life for the past 5 years.  It is difficult to express how I feel and to some it may be silly to be so upset over a cow, but I have invested so much into that relationship.  We treat our animals differently, they are family to us.  We give them our best and they in turn do the same.  There will be other cows, and the hole in my routine will be filled with other farm tasks to ease the loss.  For now I am heavy with grief for my sweet Lucy.  She will be so missed.